Attachent Disorder

Many people have heard the term “Attachment Disorder” but it is another thing to truly live with an attachment disordered child. Many children who have lived in institutional settings have some attachment issues and they may be pronounced enough to be labeled an “attachment disorder” or in other words, there is a continuum from mild to severe attachment problems. Parents coping with related behaviors may be physically and emotionally exhausted from trying to connect with their child. They often report feeling like they are met with opposition, defiance, or indifference. Attachment disordered children, or those with insecure attachment, lack the skills necessary to build meaningful relationships. These are issues of trust at the deepest of levels, including physiological signs of distrust. Often body language—even the inability to relax and be hugged and failure of eye contact—are signs. In time, attachment related behaviors can translate into deep feelings of rejection and even post-adoption blues for a parent as they realize that a loving parent-child relationship is challenged.
Seriously attachment disordered children also may have more than problems of indifference. They may exhibit anti-social behaviors like hurting pets or other children in the home. Their failure to bond and develop a mutually caring relationship plays itself out in ways that can even frighten families. For example, some families have actually “feared” their children—this is exhausting and may you may find yourself coping with behaviors that are hard to believe. Some families worry about their children being a danger to others and this is a case in which calling on professional help will be essential.
 As seen by a children's home director:


As I observe care in orphanages, I want to re-name RAD to mean “ Reasonable Detachment Disorder”.  In light of the changes in critical relationships, as staffing shifts, and the child must shift their behavior significantly as expectations of even well meaning care givers varies, the resultant behavior could be considered reasonable, as distressing as it is.  Some attachment disordered behaviors that we see in a children’s home are (as mentioned) uninhibited friendliness, which can border on promiscuous contact, inability to cope with even minor changes in routine [ we have found that routine is to a child in a home much like Linus’ blanket in the Charlie Brown comics…it comforts, as a sign that everything is OK] , and outbursts of anger at other children … not in retaliation, but almost as a calculated interruption while the “victim” was interacting with adults.

Consider this as the child is introduced into the family…the changes will be traumatic no matter how well the family plans and acts.  But forcing hugs and interaction with all the new relatives may not be a comfort.  The establishment and maintenance of a routine, with meals, and school, and bedtimes as quickly and gently as possible will go along way to help the child adapt and attach.

Parent’s Attachment Style

It is important to be aware of your own attachment style as you make a decision about adopting an older and institutionalized child. We ourselves may even have “attachment issues” which come into play in our decision to adopt. Going back to the fantasized notions about adoption, when we talked about expectations, we need to ask ourselves about our own attachment needs and style. This is more than making a friend—it is about forming an attachment with a child who has a complicated past and maybe even some behaviors that are difficult to manage. However, if you are an individual who likes to “play” and understands the need to engage in “play activites” to attach—an older child may well be just the right adoption placement for you. But, if you are interested in being “needed” and having a child attach to you because of this simple human interaction—you are likely setting yourself up for failure and ultimately the attachment process can be derailed.